Reprinted from: Connecticut Post, Sunday, December 7, 1997

Looking to Next Year's Run to Column 9

by E. Packer Wilbur

In slightly less time than it takes to, oh, let's say grow a beard, I ran five miles the other day.

Thanksgiving Day, in fact.

The occasion was the 20th annual Pequot Runners 5-Mile Thanksgiving Day Road Race, known colloquially as the Turkey Trot.

The experience left me thankful for may things.

That I am here to write about it, for one.

That I don't often have to run five miles, for another.

According to the newspaper, I finished 2,187th with a time of 57 minutes and 56 seconds.

Hey, you can't believe everything you read in a paper.

But let's assume for the sake of argument that time is correct.

Finishing 2,187th isn't so bad. It depends on how you look at it.

Bad thing: Eight 12-year-old girls finished ahead of me.

Big deal. I'll bet not one of them is 20 pounds overweight or has even tasted any of this country's great bourbons.

Good thing: Thirteen 12-year-olds came in behind me.

Thirteen of them ate my dust.

My own daughter was one of them. She says she slowed down to let me pass because she wanted to make sure she'd have a ride home.

I wouldn't have told her to walk home if she had posted a better time than mine.

No, I'd have told her to run home if she thinks she's so fast.

The route winds through the Southport section of Fairfield, into the Greens Farms section of Westport and back to the finish line at the Wakeman's Boys' and Girls' Club.

The route is quite beautiful.

I know this because I have driven through the neighborhood on occasion.

But, it's not so easy to appreciate beauty when your knees and thighs are on fire and you are sucking cool morning air into distressed lungs.

Good thing: Finishing 2,187th got me into the Sports section, where my name has not appeared since 1972.

Bad thing: Finishing 2,187th put me in column 10 of 10 columns of agate names and times. Also, I can't remember what it was I did in 1972 that put my name in the Sports section.

My goal for next year is to surge into column 9.

Or, since I am the managing editor, perhaps I will order a restructuring of the coverage that will pay a little more attention to valiant amateurs and a little less to these skinny, so-called elite runners who win all the time anyway and generally get their pictures in the paper.

It's a good thing: We ran not too far from Martha Stewart's house. The turkey Trot is sort of a Martha Stewart event, actually. The J. Crew crowd in Nikes. She probably has a good idea for a post-race buffet for 2,387.

Although organizers of the Turkey Trot have their own good idea: Huge boxes of bagels and water and coffee stockpiled in the Wakeman's parking lot.

Bad thing: The organizers ask that runners not bring baby strollers. Several runners brought them anyway, the big three-wheeled jobs, so they could run with their precious bundles.

A stroller is a nasty thing for someone to trip over in a crowd.

Good thing: This Pequot Runners Club is a pretty organized group. The whole thing goes like clockwork. Bagpipers play at the start and at each mile marker a couple of naggers are stationed to yell out how much time has elapsed since the start.

Frankly, however, I find these incessant reminders unnecessary.

Good thing: This is an event the whole family can do. Mrs. Daly, for instance, once as fleet as the wind but now largely a retired runner, finished 2,255th; Julia, 11, 2,203rd and Kate, 15, 2,216th.